It’s no secret that I’m from San Diego and now I live in Boston. And moving away from home means leaving friends that you’ve known forever, and literally couldn’t replace if you tried. Regardless of the why, sometimes we get separated from our BFFs which shouldn’t mean that they’re lost to you, it just means that you may have to work a little harder to stay just as close and do things a little differently.
I learned fast that everyone who had been at the base of my support system, the girls I spent “Bachelor Monday” with, the new brunch spot we needed to try out, and the girls we did life together with were no longer that for me. Luckily for me, I’ve made GREAT friends in Boston but here’s what my friends and I have done to maintain our relationships:
Don’t “know” Their Life by Their Instagram
Everyone posts what they’re doing these days on their Instagram story, which means you are virtually there. You know where your BFF went to dinner last night & what they ordered. This can feel like a strong connection in the moment, but when it comes down to it and as more time passes, it’s a sign of a fleeting friendship.
Never let a “like” on Instagram or a reply to their story replace your friendship. A few words with an emoji doesn’t replace or keep up a friendship.
Pick up the Phone
This seems like an easy thing to do, after all you did it all the time before. But with both your personal lives, work, time differences, this can get hard! It helps to know each other’s schedule, “great you get off at 5, I’ll call you then when I’m walking the dog.” This way, it’s set and you aren’t then playing phone tag. You’ll be surprised that hearing someone’s voice can be so reassuring even in times when you didn’t even know you needed it.
Yes, visiting each other’s city is fun, but planning a girl’s trip is so fun! Plus it lets you both explore a new city together. As long as you’re all together, the plans will all fall into place. There’s nothing better than a weekend with your BFFs.
Don’t Stop the Group Chat
The group chat used to be where you’d be spending happy hour and hoping that someone (or everyone) would join. Or about weekend plans, things that you all could do together. Now it’s not, it’s changed, and that’s okay. It can be about opinions on if you should buy this (because you used to only shop together) or about the crazy thing that happened on the commute home. Whatever it is, just don’t stop it.
Always Have a Plan
If the next time you will see eachother will be home for Christmas, or for someone’s birthday, or adult spring break. Just plan it. Make it happen.
Don’t Forget the Friendship
Long-distance friendships take time and effort, but there’s a reason you have these life-affirming friends that you can’t look back and smile on the memories you share together. The friends who remember memories just as well as you, have laughed with you when times were amazing, and who cried with you when times are tough. They’ve been with you for the monumental things that have shaped you into who you are and will still be there for the monumental things that are going to happen.
My friends from my hometown are some of the most cherished people I have in my life. I know that they’re my lifelong friends, no matter where life takes us. We’ll always have each other, and when we need each other we’ll be there.
~ XOXO, the BFF loving, Amanda
P.S. Yes these are (some) of the people in my life, that I left behind when I moved to Boston/graduated college and still love love love with my whole heart.